How to Stop Saying “I’ve Always Been This Way” and Start Changing: Growth Mindset for Women
How often do we say it, or hear it from someone else?
“I’ve always been this way.”
Whether it’s about being habitually late, quick to judge, avoiding confrontation, or dismissing our dreams, we often label ourselves as fixed, unchangeable. When we say “I’ve always been this way,” what we’re really doing is giving ourselves a pass. It becomes a well-worn excuse to stay stuck.
We use these statements as shields against disappointment or discomfort, a convenient excuse to stay exactly where we are.
But here’s the truth: just because you’ve always been a certain way doesn’t mean you always have to be.
I was struck by this realization during a study group I participated in years ago, based on Beth Moore’s Entrusted. She asked a simple but piercing question: “How long have you ‘always been’ that way? 52 years? 47 years? 35 years?” She challenged us to notice how we speak about ourselves and others, as though qualities we don’t like are carved in stone.
That question hit me right between the eyes. For me? I’ve always been late. I even joke that I’ll probably be late to my own funeral. But let’s be honest: my chronic lateness isn’t cute. It’s dishonoring to others, and to myself.
We say these things to feel safe, to manage the unpredictability of life by boxing ourselves in with labels: “I’m just bad with money.” “I’m terrible at relationships.” “I’m too sensitive.” “I can’t speak up for myself.” But what if that mindset is the very thing keeping you from the life you say you want? The deeper relationships, the healthier body, the fulfilling purpose?
These statements make us feel as though we have control by defining ourselves, but what they really do is reinforce fear and limitation.
Why Do We Stay Stuck in Old Habits?
Fear is the biggest culprit. Changing ourselves requires vulnerability, effort, and facing the unknown. There’s comfort in the familiar, even if the familiar is keeping us small, disconnected, or unhappy.
Our brains love certainty. They cling to the narratives we’ve rehearsed since childhood, those programmed beliefs from our families, society, and past experiences. These narratives create a limiting mindset that whispers: “People don’t change.” “This is just who I am.” But is that really true?
Absolutely not.
The Truth About Change: You Are Built for It
Here’s a fun fact: Every cell in your body regenerates within about seven years. That means physically, you aren’t even the same person you were seven years ago. Change is literally in your DNA.
So if our bodies are capable of complete renewal, why not our minds, hearts, and habits?
Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, the potential for transformation exists. But first, we have to wake up to the possibility that we are not static beings, permanently branded by our bad habits or painful pasts.
You are not your excuses. You are not your bad habits. You are not doomed to be who you’ve always been.
Why We Stay Stuck?
There’s a part of us that would rather cling to what we know — even if it makes us miserable — because it feels safer than the unknown. Our complacent, unaware side would rather keep us believing we can’t change because growth takes work. It feels risky. It asks us to confront our fears, our limiting beliefs, and sometimes, our own laziness.
But here’s the rub: staying the same isn’t actually easier. Living small, denying yourself, or continuing self-sabotaging behaviors takes its own toll. It costs us connection, joy, confidence, and opportunities for deeper meaning in life.
The Power of a Growth Mindset for Women
The moment we adopt the belief that we can change, we open the door to transformation. That mindset shift alone is a powerful first step.
Instead of saying, “I’ve always been this way,” what if you asked:
- “Who do I want to become?”
- “What small step can I take to move in that direction?”
- “What is this old habit protecting me from? And is it worth the cost?”
Change doesn’t require a complete life overhaul overnight. It begins with awareness, intention, and the willingness to challenge our excuses.
Real Talk from Joleen
Let me be real with you — I’m still working on some of my own “always been” habits. Like I said earlier, I used to joke about always being late. But when I looked at it more deeply, I realized it didn’t align with the kind of woman I want to be.
And that’s the invitation for all of us: to stop settling for a version of ourselves that doesn’t reflect our highest self.
Yes, we may have “always been” a certain way.
But we’re also capable of becoming something new — more honest, more aligned, more alive.
Transformation is Not Just Possible — It’s Inevitable
If you’re breathing, you are capable of growth. You are capable of change.
What if you allowed yourself to believe that change is not just for other people, but for you too?
With childlike wonder, start looking for signs of “rebirth” around you and within you. Notice the places in your life that are ripe for renewal. Question the excuses. Challenge the old stories.
Because you are not your habits. You are not your excuses. You are not fixed.
You are a living, growing, ever-evolving human being with the power to change.
And what a beautiful thing that is.
If you’re ready to start this journey but feel stuck or unsure where to begin, know that you don’t have to walk it alone. It is my life’s calling to help women like you uncover the radiant, authentic, joyful woman within.
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Joleen offers a transformational, deeply supportive journey to midlife women who are ready to release trauma, rediscover themselves, and create joyful, authentic lives. With over 25 years of experience and a unique blend of therapeutic expertise, life coaching, and spiritual insight, Joleen guides her clients toward profound change.
